Those in attendance
Each member is engaged separately and priced separately. None may be substituted for another, a rule introduced in 2019 and not discussed since.
Marriage Celebrant
Isidro has been solemnising marriages on the Moreton shoreline for nineteen years and has never lost a ring, though he has twice misplaced a groom. Both were recovered, one of them married.
He is legally empowered and emotionally unavailable, which he regards as the correct balance for the role. He speaks slowly on purpose. He owns one suit, in sand.
“He paused for so long we thought the vows had finished. They had not. They were better.”
The Wedding Singer
Krusty has a three-octave range, one of which is usable, and an unshakeable belief that every reception peaks at exactly 9:40pm. He arrives with a keyboard, a towel, and a grievance from 2011.
He will not perform 'Wonderwall' for under four figures. He would like this stated plainly on the website, and so it is.
“At 9:40pm exactly, he peaked. So did we.”
The Live Act
Claire describes her genre only as 'ambient consequence'. She brings her own fog, her own lighting, and a set list she declines to share in advance on artistic grounds.
Guests have described her performance as moving, unsettling, and 'longer than expected'. All three are accurate and none are complaints.
“I don't know what happened, but I've called my father.”
The Flower Girl
JJ is forty-one years old and undefeated. He has walked every aisle Shelby Rite has ever laid out and has never dropped a basket, though he has thrown one.
Petals are non-negotiable. Petal density, petal colour, and petal timing are decided by JJ on the morning, after he has seen the water.
“He threw the basket. It landed in the right place.”
Testimonials are fictitious.